24tH sEpT 2004

Today is the day which makes me upset again.. tml suppose to be the special day for me and him.. but.. everything corked up again.. damn it! Hate it sia.. todae went to Sembawang shop with geena then receive a message.. this message create the same old emotion tht I received few months ago.. I cried.. you took away the colours you added into my life once again.. why are u doing this again and again? Are u tht heartless? Why cant u spare a tot for me? why muz things like this alwaes happen before my examination.. u noe tht I’m taking my n this year.. do u really wish to see me fail becoz of the problem between us?!? Is God playing a trick on me.. He gave u to me and took it away.. after a few days, God gave u back to me and took it back awae.. juz when I tot tht everything was over, God gave u back to me again.. now.. once again, He took u back.. why muz things turn out to be like this.. is like.. everyone is playing a trick on me.. at first, if u really tot tht there will be no ending, why did u want to restart the thing? I believe what u told me, and u promised me tht u wun break my heart again.. but.. u broke the promise between me and you, u broke my heart again.. I hate u.. y ? I dun wish to hate u.. I really dun want.. I’m crying right now.. can u feel it ? can u hear it ? at this point of time, no one can feel the pain in me.. my heart is aching as if there’s a dagger stabbed deeply into it.. why must u alwaes say all this things? I’m always so envy of others who have long-lasting relationship.. the others are able to cherish each other, why cant u? I tried to forget u during the one month.. when the memories was almost gone.. u asked me tht question.. my heart softened.. I was confused at tht time.. I didnt noe what to do.. I so afraid tht if I accept u once again, u will leave me in no time.. I dun wan to see this happen.. so I gave u my reply the next day.. why must things always happen either the day before or the day after the special day shared by the both of us.. why?! WHY?! Can u tell me why? I really put all my heart and soul in this relationship.. all I wish is tht u can love me.. cherish me.. like what I do.. u said u wan keep it low-profile, ok.. its ok with me.. as long as we are together.. so I try to keep a distant from u so tht no one will suspect the special relationship between me and u.. is this y u are trying to ask for a break up? I wan to noe the truth.. I wan to noe whats on ur mind.. if u juz wan to be frends, u might not see me again.. becoz I will find all ways to avoid u.. becoz.. the road we have walked together, the places tht we have been to, the things we have did, the words u have said, the promise u have made, the sms u have sent and the past memories have made me shed my tears for u again and again.. I juz cant bear to give up.. the memories have been planted deeply into my heart.. how i wish tht God will take me away to a land where no one can find me.. where there is no memories.. I remember every moment we spent together, the place we have been to.. although we only hang out arnd the estate, but to me, it doesnt matter.. juz becoz I have u by my side.. I tot my second birthday wish will come true.. but.. I tink everything have gone down the drain.. for all the while.. I tot u were the one who will help me fulfil my wish.. now, I can see tht it all gone.. everything have faded away like the process of sublimation.. I really hope tht the things u have told me was juz a dream.. I really dun bear to.. really.. really..

WHY?!?!?!?

Today's inspiration: In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was within me an invincible summer.